I've been inspired:
1. My world spins best when there are a million things going on around me and I am pressed for time.
2. I broke into my fifth grade classroom, switched all the desks around, then blamed it on a friend. I fessed up eventually, but how shitty was I for shifting blame? (Even though she was my cohort in said crime, I was the total mastermind.)
3. Speaking of, I am always the one with the devious master plan. All the suckers fall in line.
4. I took this semester off. How stupid. Shut your hole; I feel guilty enough.
5. Vinegar and me, we go together like ra-ma-la-ma-la-ma ka-ding-a-da-ding-de-dong. It's the secret ingredient, peeps.
6. I was awkward from high school 'til about 26. I had an afro and pimples. I wore funky clothes. I had not a clue about plucking eyebrows or wearing makeup. I did have an awesome booty, though. Still do. I still have a hard time assimilating the hot chick I now see in the mirror to the awkward inner teen that is me.
7. Men Don't Leave is the saddest flick I've ever watched.
8. I still haven't cut my hair to my chin, even though I promised to do that before the end of 2003.
9. I am one helluva sex partner.
10. I have panic attacks, but no one around me would ever know. I hide them well, and my body is paying the price in a physical way.
11. UGH! Poetry sucks. But I dig ee cummings.
12. Most of my online crushes are chicks. The one I currently own is a boy, though.
There is no thirteen.
14. I love looking at all shapes and sizes when it comes to hot boys, but the sure-fire way to my heart is baby blues and a mess of curly, black hair. Hellllo, Julian McMahon. -swoon-
15. I am always throwing out the movie quotes, but it's disappointing because they're rarely noticed.
16. Attention is an addiction. I want it all. Everybody look at me.
17. If it wouldn't disappoint my friends and family so much, I'd become a druggie loser bum foreverandeveramen.
18. I love that I am persceptive to a fault. I can step outside of myself and realize how others are feeling and empathize with them in a way that makes me a better human being.
19. I hate that I am persceptive to a fault. I can step outside of myself and see how others are feeling/reacting/thinking and sometimes it is a sickening thing to see.
20. I think I broke someone's heart yesterday. The taste left in my mouth because of it is not pleasant. Comeuppance does not sit well with me. My heart bleeds right along with you even though I am one happy muthafucka right now.
21. Anal sex? I've been giving it second thoughts these days. Call me crazy.
22. I try to eat seafood once a year. I hate it every time.
23. Once a tomboy, always a tomboy.
24. I know how to fold cloth diapers.
25. I still can't figure out how to get along with my dad and the siblings he created after me.
26. My computer desktop says "Do Not Crush." Everyone thinks my skin is thick. Truth be told, every little thing gets under my skin. I'm just the greatest actress on the planet. Janet.
27. I keep 'fidelity' in Chinese characters as my cell phone screensaver. It's a reminder to me that I've involved myself in a relationship and I have to quit playing with other boys. Yes, I need a constant reminder.
28. I think people overuse the comma. I am all for run-on sentences. Also, I write like I talk.
29. More often than not, I forgo the meat portion of a meal. I have no idea why I do this, because I really like meat.
30. I am fascinated by genetics. Actually, I am fascinated by most things biological. If I had my way, I'd study the shit for life.
31. I don't believe in that whole Pearly Gates thing. This is it; live like tomorrow will never come.
32. I'm gonna name my kid Delaney, even if the dad hates it with a major passion.
33. I can put my feet behind my head. I can do the splits. I could've been a contortionist.
34. If there are rules, I'll give you a 99% guarantee I'll break them.
35. Las Vegas is my playground. Never in my life do I feel so carefree as when I hit the strip.
36. I'm going to have a pole in my house. You know, the kind I can dance on. My man is going to love me, I shit you not.
37. I drive a stick shift better than you.
38. I don't make all that much $, but I'll be honest and tell you that I am overpaid for what I do here.
39. I am rarely an initiator. I attribute this part of my character to the type of home life I had as a kid. I am reactionary. I wait for you and act accordingly.
40. Oh boy, am I a blusher. Stop embarrassing me, I can't take it.
41. When I was fourteen, my friend and I decided to compose a Penthouse Forum letter. It was so raunch. Bodily fluids, fingers, vibrators, asses and some more shit. My step-father found it (while rummaging through my shit, that prick). He gave it to my mom. She almost passed out. I was a virgin then; it was all talk, but I bet my mother never believed it.
42. It really pisses me off that I am unable to do the moonwalk.
43. Reasons why I think basketball is the best sport evar: the biceps, those break-away pants, the squeak-squeak of sneakers on the court.
44. My pain receptors are askew. I can take much more than the average bear. I cannot remember ever crying over physical pain. Stitches: three sets. Broken bones: three. Oh, and I think I enjoy the burns.
45. Once I love you, I love you for life. Even after you shit all over me, I can hold on to that love. Loyalty is my speciality...to a fault.
46. I have very straight and good-looking teeth, but every one of my molars is filled with silver. I have never experienced a trip to the dentist without him telling me I have a cavity.
47. I never get tired of watching Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, 1970 claymation version.
48. Everything I know about the science of makin' a baby I learned from Nova's Miracle of Life, which my mom made me watch when I was seven.
49. I hate snow. OK, I actually like to look at it, but I hate to be in it. California is the place for me.
50. Once, a reporter I worked with wrote a feature Sunday Life article about me. He'd asked me out numerous times and I finally said yes. I totally stood him up and he wrote all about it. My coworkers still keep copies to show new people.
51. Amber Frey is my neighbor (kind of). We share this town. Also, Bubba from In the Heat of the Night is my mayor. Also, they once made a mini-series about the town's
raisin industry (a Dallas spoof). Also, this is the place where Anne Heche went psycho. I cannot count how many times this town has been used to portray backwards-ass livin'. (It's really not like that around here.)
52. It's time for me to take a break from this. I'll do the rest tomorrow.
53. I can eat mayonnaise by the spoonful.
54. I count the strokes when I put on deodorant. I always end on an odd number. OCD much?
55. My hip joint is in the beginning stages of arthritis. I will have the titanium version before I am 60 (if I live that long). Mother gets hers done in March; Father is still putting it off, but will have it done before year's end. I was doomed at birth.
56. Part of the reason I chose nursing as my major is so that I can wear PJs to work every day.
57. My main concern right now is if McDonald's plans on selling Shamrock Shakes this year.
58. An International Playa is coming through my stereo as I type this sentence. "One is in the air and one is in the chamber. You ask me what the fuck I'm doing, I'm releasing anger" ... swoon ... I could marry Andre2500008. Really.
59. I plan on getting totally drunk tonight. I will try to stop drinking before I throw up, but I make no promises.
60. At the beginning of last semester, I was walking through the parking lot to my car and I totally fell on my face. I got major road burn on my hand from trying to prevent my fall. I didn't even care about that, but I was mortified because a professor saw me munch and got all concerned, continuously asking me if I was OK. How. Embarrassing. I blush every time I see my hand scars.
61. On that note, I have more scars than I can count. My knees and shins are covered from soccer. I have one inbetween my eyes; I have one on my chin; there are too many to count on my hands; I have one on the inside of my mouth; I have one on my hip. My body is a testament to my active, carefee lifestyle. Rough and rugged, motherfuckers.
62. Derek was my first white boy ever. I think I scare them all with my ethnicity.
63. I have no faith in monogamy, even as I delve into this new relationship. The girl who lived through that last horrific relationship will always keep her eye open for paper scraps with numbers on them, unanswered cell phone calls, condoms, lifted eyebrows and surreptitious, sideways glances.
64. I've graduated to old now that I can no longer stand to watch MTV's Real World.
65. Biggie > Tupac. This opinion makes me very unpopular over here on the west (best) coast.
66. I call and hang up on people all the damn time. It's a weird, backwards hard-habit-to-break. I mostly do it when the person who answers isn't the person I want to converse with.
67. I'm just now discovering the joy that is Foo Fighters. I don't know why it took this long.
68. I can do a back handspring.
69. I love this number and all that it symbolizes. I love it even more right now because my relationship is solid and that means lots of great, kinky sex. Relatively speaking, I'll be buying my first toy soon. I'm torn between a magic bullet and a regular, run-of-the-mill vibrator. I bet the bullet wins. The boy will be make the final decision. Damn, he's lucky.
70. I miss running on the track team. I'll never experience that kind of camaraderie again. My heart still beats in a special way for the girls who ran that event with me. I also miss my spikes and having to walk on the balls of my feet to the drinking fountain.
71. I sleepwalk. Last week, I got up off the boy's couch, walked in the kitchen while he was cooking, pulled some wine glasses out of his cupboard, poured wine, and went back to the couch. I have no recollection of this. Sometimes, I wake up with food in my mouth. So. Strange.
72. Sitting still is a problem for me. It's the reason this damn list is taking me twenty years to accomplish.
73. Scritti Politti is playing on my iPod right now. The eighties were the lick, my friend. Where are my wayfarers?
74. The secret of my academic success: Tests. I ace exams. I rarely study hard (unless you count that semester I spent on crank). I just take good test.
75. Attributing factor: photographic memory. Read it, write it, repeat it and it's in there for good. I think I am running out of space, though.
76. I do not want to be elderly. I want to die before I fall completely apart.
77. Oh, the crush I have on my metro editor is the most enduring variety; also the most deadly, because he's married and I will Susie Homewreck his ass. (And what a nice ass it is.)
78. Funky socks will always make me smile. Currently sporting my pink Dots pair.
79. I only cook when I am in love.
80. My right wrist is wrecked by carpal tunnel. I'm losing my ability to flip people off in a proper fashion and that just sucks.
81. I am spendy so I date tightwads. We counterbalance with perfection.
82. Yes, I can read your mind. No, I am not playing.
83. I am the Go-To Girl. When someone has a question -- at work or in the real world -- they call me. That's why they call me jeopardy. I think it has to do with the photographic memory thing. I cannot forget stupid, random trivia to save my life.
84. If your opinion differs from mine, I think you need your head examined. No, I don't think this is a redeeming characteristic.
85. I honestly don't care if people don't like me, get me, or whatever. I have the best people already in my world. The rest of the masses can go kick rocks. (I just recently learned this trick.)
86. I cannot hold my pee very well. Long road trips are the devil.
87. Strangest feeling I ever experienced: I almost passed out in McDonald's. My vision went wacky, I broke out in a cold sweat and the legs gave out on me. I had to grasp the nearest booth to maintain. I asked the mopping lady for help, but she just looked at me like I shit my pants. I lost large amounts of faith in humanity that day. Nobody wants to help anybody anymore. Have you noticed?
88. I've written two rap songs. Their titles are "Pomade" and "Cheddar No Cheese".
89. Never had a one-night stand.
90. I smoke Newports, drink Jack Daniels and play one shitty game of pool.
91. I cried when Waylon Jennings died.
92. Momma, I would totally let my baby grow up to be a cowboy.
93. I make myself physically ill when I start to worry about anything. I get bubble guts and a mean headache.
94. I don't shave every day. It's such a hassle.
95. The best information I can pass on to other humans: love yourself, ugly and all. If you do, this comes seeping through your pores and everyone around you will pick up your scent and shower you with so much love you won't be able to come down off the high for one thousand and twelve moons.
96. I am afraid of the ocean, roaches, mice and fast cars.
97. For some reason, I think it'd be so cool to write a thesis on water.
98. I still love Michael Jordan.
99. My calves are to die for.
100. The best lesson I've learned in life is the same lesson I mentioned the last time I wrote a list like this: Anything -- and I mean ANYTHING-- can be forgiven.
On Blast
