Time, I have little.

School started this morning. I picked up an extra day at work as well. Today is my first 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. day. It's just after 6 p.m. and I am worn the fuck out. Tiredtiredtired, so tired that I may not make it to Amber's fundraiser bash. I just don't think I can take punk rock music tonight. I hope she won't hate me with the fire of one thousand suns if I ghost her. I do that, you know. I've kind of earned a reputation.

I ate yummy Wendy's chili today and there weren't any digits. No fingers, no toes...I'm almost disappointed.

I miss my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other much lately. Stupid work.

The crazy lady just told me black people have no faces. Hmph. Does that mean my baby will only have half a face?

I know better than to visit certain corners of the 'net. I know how pissed off I'll get by certain idiots. Yet, I get so bored here and I run out of cool things so I end up creeping my ass over to the crap. UGH! I hate my lack of Internet control. The dood is a fucking cunt (yes, a fucking cunt). Worthless waste of my time, I swear. If I were a religious girl, I'd pray for the strength to deliver me from evil. Too bad I'm fresh out of faith. Anyway, I hear there are several English courses offered both online and on the east coast. Homeboy should really partake because the horror that is his writing style makes me cringe with embarrassment. I mean, I'm far from perfect but HOLY CRAP, DUDE, YOU SUCK! Please! Grab your dictionary!

Did I mention how much I miss my boyfriend?

Forgetful.

I forgot my password! (I could've just asked you, right? Fucker.)

Some advice: Do not eat chili dogs loaded with onions at midnight. You will not be a happy camper the next morning...and the rest of the day won't go so well either. Consider yourselves warned.

I eat little meals all day. Right now, I'm munching on cheese and Wheat Thins. Oh, for the love of cheese. I heart cheese mightily. (I probably shouldn't be eating it as the plumbing ain't great right now, but damn, how can one resist?)

I start feeling like crap if I don't eat a little something once every other hour. So eat is what I be doin'. I be eatin'. And gainin'. Eff it. When will I have this luxury again?

Got mad at the man this morning. Figured he'd rather watch the nude model on Blind Date than flirt with me in bed. Eff me, I'm a hormonal roller coaster. I guess I'm feeling less-than-attractive these days and our sex life isn't what it was pre-pregnancy. My drive, however, has returned and he won't fucking touch me!! I'm tired of the showerhead, yo. And how can he let these beautiful boobs just go to waste? GD, I need some penetration.

My cheese is gone. Sad.

Let's see...what else is the haps? Um...I spent Father's Day with his family. It was nice. My first meeting with all of them. What a way to introduce myself: Hi! I'm carrying the next member of your family! It was cool, though. I should've been with my own father, but he was at my bro's house and I hate my bro and his wife right now so that was a big fat No Go. I did call him. That counts right? I'm horrible, though, because his card is still in the Hallmark bag at home, unsigned. Ugh, it's so hard sometimes. I hope L and I remain together always so my child will never feel the way I do.

I need Jello, party people. I need it now. Piss out.

more baby talk because i am PREGNANT.

Sorry to bore you, Internet fans. I cannot help myself. I'm one of "those people" now. I'm a Mommy-To-Be and it's pretty much all I can think about these days.

Today, I watched my child do all kinds of flips and gestures in my belly. I saw it's knees and elbows, fingers and toes, an ear and an eye, it's profile (my baby has the cutest nose) ... all the things that never mattered when it was someone else's baby. Now it matters so much I can hardly stand myself. I've been proud Mom all day, showing off this picture to any and everybody. I don't care if you don't care, JUST LOOK AT MY BABY DAMMIT!

Still don't know if there are ovaries or testes. Still secretly hoping for ovaries. I know her name, yo. (Of course this means it's a boy.)

My baby. Wow.

turkey lurky.

Gobblegobble.

Oh my goodness, I have the best boobs ever right now! I'll be sad when the head south.

I'm having a nauseous day. It sucks and I'm never having another baby. Mark it.

Today, Jack e-mailed me and said so many of those things I wanted him to say when we were seeing one another. It was so sad and I cried a lot right here at my desk. (Embarrassingly hormonal.) I wanted so much to be with him once upon a time. Parts of me still miss him immensely and wish things went differently between us. But they didn't go that route, did they? I ended up falling in total love with someone who treats me so fucking good I can hardly stand it sometimes. I'm so ridiculously happy with him, yet I can still feel upset about Jack. It still makes me sad. If this is the way it felt to rehash our old shit, then you can best believe I will never be talking to Den again. Because that shit will break my heart into a million little pieces. Endings are fucking sad, man.

HOWEVER! As sad as that conversation made me, it in no way eclipses the contentment, fulfillment and genuine happy love I experience with L. No one has ever made me feel more special, loved, happy ... he's perfect for me and I know it. I'd never fuck this up. Besides, we made a baby together. Now he's stuck with me. Ain't he lucky? -wink-

"Your tenacious beating of the long-dead horse is somewhat pathetic," said E.

People fascinate me endlessly. Warped, we are... this society as a whole is warped. I know I have my own idiosyncracies and neuroses to deal with, but I am boring -- by far -- when compared to others' brand of psychosis. I totally thought it was over with the big "OVER" announcements all over the place. I guess some people just get their rocks off in strange ways.

I'd like to give a shout out to the less than stellar portion of this lovely community we call the 'net: Grow the fuck up. You want adult kudos, well then, suck up all that ugly you own inside and act like the big kid you long to be. All your big talk don't mean shit when your actions drip with immaturity. Drip, drip, drop.

I suppose I could keep my opinions to myself. But, seriously now, when have I ever done that?

How's this for a title?

I fell in love with All the President's Men long ago. I read it, I watched it, I absorbed its mystery like a sponge. I am a sucker for stuff like that. Political intrigue is great material! So Deep Throat has always fascinated my sinister little mind. And I've waited many, many years for the identity of said mystery man. And now that everything is open like a book, I am let down as I always am when a great mystery is solved. Sigh. Endings are so very anticlimactic.

At least Lee Harvey Oswald will never break his silence and tell the world all about how he acted as the Lone Gunman.

Oh my, sweet root beer how I love your frosty goodness. You compliment Taco Bell regular tacos so well. (Speaking of tacos from Taco Bell, would I be crazy if I wanted them without the meat and filled with only cheese and lettuce?)

Pregnancy wreaks havoc on a woman's body. I feel weird all the time. The nausea is easing up but things are still ... off. I'm wrapping up my first trimester. I hear the second trimester is the best part. I'm trying not to be pessimistic. I just feel so weird. The sex is gettin' really good, though. So I got that goin' for me.

I want to end this post with my usual biting sarcasm, but I will resist temptation. Today.