suck it.

I love that catch phrase. Thank you, Wrestlemania.
Sometimes I forget how much better my own homemade brew is over Starbucks. I love its strong goodness. And, yes, my pregnant ass is still drinking coffee. Cup a day, even. I've stopped smoking, I don't drink alcohol anymore, my wild life is roadkill; give me a motherfucking break.

I actually have a shitload of work to get through today. Won't start it 'til I absoultely have to because I am the best kind of procrastinator. I like the pressure of down to the wire.

Class starts soon. I really think it'd be in my best interest to look up my schedule to see which day, exactly. I'm so out of it right now. Shit.

Been watching Chappelle's Show, second season. "I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!" Funny, funny stuff. I rarely laugh out loud at television, but he's crazy that Dave. And cute in a weird way. Personality and smiles go a very long way.

So, did I ever tell you that I spent 15 years breaking up with my ex? Yes, I did. We got together when I was 17. He was my first everything. I was so in love with that boy. Sooooo in love. He made me feel so special, important. All the things I strived to achieve from the people around me, he gave me. Of course, it didn't take me long to realize he was giving this treatment of his to several girls, but by that time I was hooked...like an addict. I'd catch him lying, he'd convince me to believe him. It wasn't hard for him to make me see things his way. I wanted so desperately to believe him. Our crazy minds, we can make ourselves believe whatever feels best, can't we?

I broke up with him the first time about six months into the relationship. That lasted all of two days, I think. He just looked so pitiful, sounded like a wounded animal on the phone...I couldn't take it. I wasn't in that great of shape, either. I mean, who was ever going to love me like that again? So, I took him back. And he did it again. And again. And again. And again so many times I don't think I have enough character space to type enough "agains" here.

I think I liked the drama, in a way. It was so very passionate and heated and it made for some great make up sessions. It was like the world ended and began over and over again. My very own romantic tragedy. Shakespearean and painfully beautiful. Addictive to say the least.

By the time a decade had passed, my soul was tired. But I kept at it. I mean, after ten years what else was there for me? And what a horrible failure I'd be as a woman if I couldn't make. that. relationship. work. if. it. killed. me. And damned if it didn't almost do just that.

I have so many people, genuinely good people, around me ... I'm so lucky to have them. They dragged me out into the world, made me meet people who, in turn, made me realize that I AM fucking lovable and decent and worthy of the good (some might say boring) kind of love. I shouldn't have to worry every fucking minute of the day.

And I don't anymore. I don't worry about how I look. I don't worry about my man's whereabouts or whether he's coming home tonight. I remember that girl -- the insecure, desperate girl -- but she isn't me anymore. I'm a woman now. And I have a real man now. And, believe me, I've had the best and worst of that world. I know the difference.

Ladies, you should all be so lucky. (And I know some of you are.)

Happy Weekend

Let's do the list thing, OK?

~I went to DMV and paid up on the car tags. (Interesting sidenote: it's tags in Cali rather than tabs.) I feel accomplished. Making an appointment is a very smart move.

~I then went to Subway and had a fan-fucking-tastic sandwich and salt and vinegar chips. Very satisfying, like Snickers but better. (I heart Snickers forever because of their keen commercial. "I am Batman.")

~Speaking of, The Man said Batman is a cool name for our son. Not. What are your favorite boy names? I'm at a loss.

~I really miss beer.

~I'm very thankful for my relationship today. There is no drama. He loves me and I know it ... and vice versa. We've never broken up and if we do, we'll know it's for good because we don't play that kid-like game and isn't that the greatest thing? You may be jealous now.

~This is not a holiday weekend for me. I work tomorrow and Monday. No biggie, I'm off next weekend and we're going to Santa Cruz. Ha.

~Um, nevermind.

Have a great 3-day weekend. Don't drink and drive.

i am so boring.

I work all week. Being the part-time junky that I am, this sucks beyond belief. What in the world will I do with all this slacker time? There is only so much web surfing one can do before blood begins to pour from the eyes. I have shameful women's magazines to thumb through, but I'm not in the mood to see flat tummies today being that mine isn't all that flat these days. I am so bloated. Ugh.

So here I am typing away about absolutely nothing of any importance whatsoever.

Suppose to see Star Wars tonight. Is it bad that I don't wanna? I thought I realllllly wanted to check it out, but I have no desire to sit in a room with strangers. Also, I'll probably have to pee like twenty times during the course of the movie. Not fun.

NOTHING is fun these days. I wish I had a FF button. I'm ready for all the glowing. When does my effing glow start?!?

I heard through the internet grapevine that I've been talked about amongst you people and, supposedly, I am "despised". No biggie, but I must say that I find it laughable that I arouse so much emotion to warrant "despise" status. I don't even know you people! But, hey, thank you for the ego boost. Any time I can get a mention, my heart and big head swell. Lord knows I love a swollen head.

To seal my status as Queen of the Boring, I'll tell you what I ate for lunch: Rigatoni, french bread and a salad. Water on the side. Life is good, people, life is good.

At ease.

official

Entering week 10. Two and a half weeks to go until the end of the dreaded first trimester. I will worry a lot less when it is over.

Some silly class to attend this week, then another appointment next Friday. I guess I should get used to being prodded and poked and invaded. If it wasn't so very necessary ...

My pants are a bit snug around the middle now. I can see a slight difference, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one. I like it. I took a picture that I will not be showing you.

I cried because I got caught by the train the other day. I have the worst case of road rage EVAR. Sometimes I feel like shit. I have great boobs right now...even had to buy new bras. YEAH BABY!

I guess what I'm explaining here is that I am actually starting to feel like a pregnant person.

Wow. Can't hardly wait to meet this person. I mean it.

And if you're sick of reading about motherhood and babies and love and peace in the world and good fucking will to all mankind, well then you're on the wrong internet avenue. That's all you'll get out of me. I'm one happy chick.

Enjoy the shit outta this great weather. Or not. :)

hi!

I am not a good blogger. I could ditch this shit and never look back. Ah well...

So, I had my first prenatal visit this week. I got to see my little bean and his little heartbeat. So cool. I could tell you again and again about what an amazing thing it is to experience, but you won't know unless you do it yourself. Life-altering, I tell you.

Yes, that's right blogging world, I done got myself knocked up before marriage. And, yes, I'm completely happy about the situation. Me and the man, we're going to be parents ... great parents at that.

There isn't anything else I can log here that could compare to what I've just shared with you so I'll just end this here.

After a while, Crocodile ...

Five Facts

*Tempura veggies from Central Fish is the best thing I've put in mouth in months.

*I was sick this morning, but I feel like a million bucks right now.

*I will go to Target in the morning and purchase the cute little dress in their Sunday ad, even though it won't fit me when I really want to wear it.

*Today is my mother's birthday. Wish her a happy one right now!

*There is life within. Holy shit.

That is all. May you enjoy your weekend. And don't forget to call/visit/hug your mommy tomorrow.

I feel like death.

I am in serious need of food. My mouth is watering and my stomach is twisting, turning, burning, churning. I cannot take a break for another thirty minutes. I hope I can make it. This trash can is starting to look like a great place to stick my face. Oh great, now I'm burping and shit. Nice.

So, I'm scheduled to hit the town tonight. I swore an oath to AmberG. and Sherif. It IS his birthday, after all. I guess I can hang with the cool kids for a while. Really, I'd just like to head home and get in-between the sheets with my dude. Doesn't seem like that's going to happen, though. At least not as soon as I'd like. He's hittin' the road with his cousin anyway. Day tripping.

Have you figured all this out yet? I bet you have, you nosy little buggers. I bet a couple of you are being assholes and talking all the shit your little nugget brain can conjure, right? Actually I can only think of one asshole from the 'net. Yep, I'm totally referencing your little immature ass. (NOT YOU EITHER BECAUSE NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!111one.) Am I a great impressionist or what? Heh.

Sometimes, I just cannot help myself.

And I'm done.

you guys want some cookiezzzz?

Three boxes: samoas, thin mints and all abouts. I am going to eat them all myself. OK, not really. But I so could.

I have a headache from lack of caffeine. This whole deal is hard. Being healthy is no fun. And we all know I'm down for the fun.

I went to the bar yesterday to hang with my girl Amber G. for a while. She drank red beer and I sipped on spicy tomato juice. I thought it'd suck to sit there and watch everyone else get drunk, but it wasn't bad. I have no desire for that stuff right now. It's crazy how your mind subconsciously puts you into these zones when it receives information.

I bet the brainwashing material is in the Girl Scout cookies.

Also, I'm over it. Part of it anyway. I still find the xx side fascinating. The other side? Not so much. I feel true sympathy for the xx side as I can relate. I have, indeed, been there done that. Not so fun ... the kind of thing you don't wish on worst enemies. But to each their own. <---- A lesson I've learned fairly recently.

I'm out, people. Be good to each other and eat your vegetables. Peace.